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The Square Wheels Newsletter - Issue 6

Note: This is an old newsletter. We are starting up a new one so if you would like to sign up, please opt-in at:

These newsletters are written to provide you with humor, ideas and information. They contain ideas about organizational and individual performance improvement.

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Also - each newsletter will offer some FREE downloadable illustration for a period of one week after which that resource will be removed. Contact me directly should you desire one of those resources.


Main Article –

Some Thoughts on Performance Management Company and our collaboration with consultants and trainers

We're looking for Training Materials to sell for you
Coaching – some links
Freebie Illustration - View From The Front
Call for Contributors for a New Publication

Jokes –
Some New Error Messages Planned for Windows 2000
Worth 20 Dollars?
Some Puns
How's my driving
Heaven and Hell
One More for Advertising

Some Thoughts on Performance Management Company and our collaboration with consultants and trainers

There have been a number of questions and comments during the year about our operating philosophy as the internet and globalization become an increasing part of our business. So, I thought that the end of the year might be a good time to state our goals and beliefs and that Newsletter readers might find it of interest.

Joan and I most definitely operate in a collaborative and inclusive mode; we believe in an abundance model of the world and see no reason not to share ideas and information with others, many of whom might be considered, "my competition" in some circumstances As a company, we share a great number of ideas and tools for free in the hopes of building a strong network of users of my products, We believe it to be a natural part of our marketing efforts.

We consistently try to add value to others in our communications, participation in list-serves, and in my presentations and consulting. I routinely share some of the illustrations in these presentations so that those in attendance can use the materials and actually deliver these same with others. We feel that "doing something" as a result of attending makes our sessions a bit unique – we also like to train managers in our approach.

Joan and I are also committed to deliver a high degree of service in the support of our products. We are more than happy to answer questions and provide idea over the phone or by email. This generally becomes a creative process where we discover that we need to explain things better or we get a new idea or application for an existing product.

By all means, contact us if we can be of assistance.

On occasion, the quality of our product might not be perfect but we are committed to recovering from these problems. Our books are printed locally and there are sometimes omissions. We attempt to deal with everyone openly and honestly and would hope that this would be reciprocated. We've only been stung 5 times in the 15 years of existence of Performance Management Company, so this policy seems to make good sense.

One area that does concern me is copyright. Our illustrations are quite well protected and we have a registered trademark (actually a "servicemark") protecting Square Wheels®. We allow the use of the illustration in training and development situations. But the reproduction of the illustrations or their use without express permission is not allowed.

We have clearly described restrictions on the use of the materials on the website. But we also know that some people try to take liberties with these same materials. If you would like to use the materials in some manner not prescribed by me, by all means CONTACT ME. I am open to a wide range of collaborative opportunities and open to discussing ideas.


Lastly, I am very interested in possibilities for new materials or for using my illustrations in distance learning / intranet applications. We would love to do a "training movie." There are all sorts of interesting ways that the materials might be used and we are open for discussions.

We've got lots of testimonials from a wide variety of people over the years proving that the materials are extremely effective communications tools and we've delivered some outstanding interactive programs for leaders, managers and front-line workers.

If you would like to take a look at one of our toolkits, let me know.

And note that our team building simulation, which is truly outstanding, is now available in a cd-based, PowerPoint presentation format. If you are really hard-pressed for time, we can email you the presentation and ship a game ready-for-use overnight.

If you haven't already made the change, please note that my old compuserve email address (since 1992) is not longer working. Please direct all future email to me at

Coaching continues to be a hot topic of discussion. I plan on finishing my Teamwork and Coaching toolkit over the holidays.

You can find a variety of articles, links and other resources on coaching at:


And a good collection of tips at Thiagi's website:


If you like our materials, PLEASE feel free to mention the website or our newsletter to other trainers, managers and consultants who might find this of use. We try to constantly update the site and guess that most of you don't even know that there are thousands of jokes that have been uploaded, for example.

We LOVE those testimonial notes.

Enough serious stuff – how 'bout some jokes and all that

BTW, you can find a lot of trainers jokes on the website at:



Some New Error Messages Planned for Microsoft Windows 2000

**Contributed to Swenny's E-Mail Funnies by Eric Hernandez, Pleasanton, CA**

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

4) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.

7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

8) This will end your Windows session. Play again?

9) Windows: 'Mistake! Shall I format your brain?'

10) God: "Rebooting the universe, please log out"

11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.

14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)

15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

17) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

18) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER.

20) User Error: Replace user.

21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)"


Worth 20 Dollars?

**Contributed to Swenny's E-Mail Funnies by Merrie Kippur, Denver

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless.


Some Puns

**Contributed to Swenny's E-Mail Funnies by Deanna Sinclair, Detroit Lakes, MN, and Jimmy Rubin, Tempe, AZ**

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of the finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"

A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Lief off my census."


You reach a point in time where you just need to stop worrying about your teenager's driving and get on with your life. And you might as well try to take advantage of it. One father of a teenage girl printed up a bumper sticker that said, "How's My Driving? Call 900-555-1234." So far, he's making $42 per month on these $.50 calls!


Heaven and Hell

One Sunday, a minister decided to play hooky from church so he could play a round of golf. Leaving his assistant to give the service, he drove to a faraway golf course so he wouldn't be recognized.

Looking down, St. Peter thought that this was not so good a thing and asked God, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord shook his head.

Moments later, the minister hit a massive drive, straight down the fairway and onto the green, 425 yards distance, and it rolled straight into the cup for a hole in one.

St. Peter was most annoyed. "I thought you did not approve and then you allowed this to happen?" he said to God.

"Yes," said the Lord, "So who is he going to tell?"


One More for Advertising

You are all familiar with the old one about Chevrolet exporting the Vega to Mexico and then finding it not selling well. After all, Vega translates to "No Go" in Spanish.

Sega, the big Japanese electronics giant and marketer of electronic games, paid several million dollars to the Italian soccer team, Sampdoria in order to be able to put its name on their jerseys. Not such a great idea, though, since "sega" is an Italian slang word for masturbation. Not sure when they actually caught this one in this international time of cross-cultural marketing

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These newsletters will be published roughly monthly. This can also be found in an archive on our website in the Newsletter section.

Free materials may be obtained by following the instructions herein or by contacting me directly. Past offers of free materials will not constitute a guarantee of their continual availability at no charge.

Comments, thought, ideas and suggestions are always appreciated,


For the FUN of It!

Scott Simmerman, Performance Management Company
864-292-8700 or

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